Apparently 2012 has arrived. When my wife first told me this ‘fact’ I was a little skeptical and quietly told myself that she must have finally lost control of her brain and was now just talking nonsense. However, others started saying the same thing and there was even mention of it in the newspapers. So either everyone had gone crazy due to high levels of calcium in the drinking water or I was wrong. Obviously I went for the first option because I am never wrong.
So I did what any normal person would do and started stocking up on Red Bull and tins of fruit cocktail, turning our garage into a bunker in which we could shield ourselves from the crazies outside (I say ‘we’ because my wife would join me [I’m pretty sure that I could cure her with some tin foil, needles and lots of lentils as I saw something similar in the A-Team once I think]).
Unfortunately, my activities had not gone unnoticed and Claire soon discovered my plans and confronted me.
The conversation went something like this:
Claire: Luke, why are you building a pillow-fort in our garage?
Luke: Shmeneshmushdush (I was mumbling nonsense in an attempt to distract her whilst I edged toward her with the tin-foil and lentils).
Claire: Why are you shaking? Are those cans of Red Bull on the floor? Don’t you remember what happened the last time you drank it?
And then I either blanked out or my memory for that time was erased.
After being discharged from the hospital Claire patiently showed me the calendar app on my phone and explained that it was December, and that at the end of December it is January and the start of a New Year. I decided to write off this New Year thing as a glitch
in the Matrix or that someone had spiked my water with calcium and that, for the safety of both my wife and myself, I’d go along with it.