It’s been a few months since I last posted but I finally got around to making note of my latest idea. Here it is:
What School kids say and what they mean
Today a student of mine used one of these phrases on me and I decided that it would be therapeutic to air my grievances in the most passive-aggressive way possible: on the internet. Then I thought better of it and decided to make a list of the most common dual-meaning phrases that I’ve come across as a High School teacher. Obviously, some of these are only used by some of my not-so-academically-minded learners and I’m fortunate enough to teach a lot of brilliant teenagers. However, I’m sure that there are a few that you remember using when you were at High School too…
- “My Mom/Dad/Brother/Sister/Aunt/Uncle/Dog/Google Translate helped me with the project a bit” = “They did the entire thing whilst I played FIFA 2012 on my Xbox/PS3/phone.”
- (During exams and study times) “Sir, can I go to the toilet please?” = “I’m bored and want to draw a penis on the wall of the bathroom stall.”
- “But sir, I slid the paper that I wrote my lines on under your door!” = “Ha! I never even thought about doing those lines. I spent four hours last night playing drawing pictures of a unicorn/dragon hybrid that I called a ‘Dragnicorn’ and decided this morning that this would be a foolproof lie. This is because I think that you are stupid and therefore incapable of breaking through my intricate web of deceit that would totally fool Batman, Spiderman and Superman.”
- Teacher: Did you study for today’s test? Student: Erm, Yes ? = “Yes… for five minutes before the lesson / Yes… for 15 minutes last night whilst also watching [Insert reality show here].”
- Student: (After the teacher has just painstakingly explained the next activity) What are we doing sir? = “I am a moron. Please ignore me/publicly ridicule me/chase me from the school with a pitchfork and flaming torch.”
- “Sir, someone threw a piece of eraser/paper/a pen at me!” = “Sir, someone just threw it back at me and I don’t like it.’
- “Sir! Pick him/her!” = “For the love of God please don’t pick me. I only learned to tie my shoelaces last week and I wasn’t listening in the first place.” (see point 5)
- “I don’t know” = “I’m too lazy to try and understand so please spoon-feed me so that I never have to use my own brain and actually learn something”
- Teacher: Why haven’t you started yet? School Kid: I’m thinking. = “I’m daydreaming about Megan Fox / being serenaded by Justin Bieber.”
- “Can we have a free lesson sir? / How come we always work in your lessons Sir? / I’m tired sir” = “Life is about doing what you want and I don’t feel like working. I’m going to be successful despite a complete lack of discipline, self-control and work-ethic. Life will have the privilege of joyfully presenting itself to me on a silver platter!”
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